Trust

[Max452]

The next few months were painful for Joshua as he watched Samara from afar. He continued about his duties like a mindless drone, but kept an ever alertful eye for Samara, as that brought some measure of joy for Joshua to see her. However, as the months drew onward, Joshua noticed a change in his Angel's appearance. Her stomach was growing and he knew exactly what that meant. His child was growing within her. His heart clenched at that thought, not wanting to leave them alone, but knowing that his own fears became more evident. His child needed a Father that wasn't maimed...that wasn't outwardly tainted from his sins, for that was what Joshua had come to believe.

So, the former assassin would watch Samara from afar, wishing to have the courage to reveal himself to her. Finally the day for the child to arrive reached Joshua's ears. A flash of worry for Samara eloped him as abandoned his duties and used his skills to watch over Samara. Lingering out by the window where she was giving birth, Joshua nestled himself, bearing her screams of pain with heart ache. He concealed himself skillfully with magic as he blended into the wall of the mansion.

A happy tear dripped down his scarred face as he then heard a cry of a baby. That was his baby. It was their baby. He leaned against the pane of the window, wishing, desperately wishing he was next to her, holding his child. Another tear fell from his face as he heard the whispered words leave his lover's lips. "You'll make a great mother. I love you both." A soft whisper escaped his lips as he descended from his hiding spot, feeling like he no longer had the right to be the child's father; they both deserved better. He returned to the grounds, finding a lone spot in the outermost corner of the estate, where he freely cried for his loss.

[Tismri]

After spending a couple of days in bed recovering, Samara soon returned to her business managing the estate, although her daughter--whom she had named Joshalyn in her lover's memory--took up much of her time. She went for a walk, near the stables, carrying the sleeping girl in her arms, as she discussed a certain matter with one of her advisors.
"Milady, please consider. Caring for a child on your own, and managing the estate, is too much for one woman. You should consider marrying, at the very least to ease the burden on yourself somewhat." Samara stared down at the ground as she thought.
"I understand why you would think so. I have thought on it for a while. But...I can't bring myself to do it. I still find myself unable to move on. To marry another man feels so wrong. As if I would be trampling upon Joshua's memory." She rocked Joshalyn gently as the girl stirred and fussed a little. Her advisor gave a curt sigh.
"Yes, your mysterious lover who would never show his face. I am sure he has quite the honorable name to remember."
"He is the man who saved me from my father's wrath years ago, and guarded me every day until his dying breath. He was the only person who truly cared about me for most of my life. You would best still your tounge before you speak ill of him again."
"That said, milady, there is still the fact that he is no longer alive. Joshalyn needs a father. You need a husband to help you with this burden." Samara sighed.
"I am through discussing this for today," she stated sourly. "Return to the house. I wish to be alone for now." The advisor bowed his head slightly and turned away. When he was gone, Samara sighed and stared up at the sky.
"He is right, though," she said. "Joshua...I need you."

[Max452]

Joshua was feeding the horses when he heard Samara approach with her aide. He lifted his head slightly, eyeing them with a longing and adoring face; he had not missed the little babe that was in her arms. He turned his head back to his duties, but his attention was on her conversation. His heart clenched. He did not wish to leave her alone, but she deserved better than he could ever offer. As the aide left, Joshua stood, dusting himself from his work as he turned around to gather another load. It was then he saw her gazing up into the sky, whispering the words he longed to her. He pressed his lips together, wondering what to do as he stood before her. Should he tell her?

He was in the midst of his ponderings when he heard one of the horses neigh dangerously. He turned to his right, where one of the other hands were trying to calm one of Samara's year old colts that was just out for a training run. The black colt reared and bucked and the hand soon found himself chasing after a loose colt, which was heading straight for Samara.

Joshua's eyes widened as he realized this, racing toward his lover and child, Joshua grabbed a hold of them quickly - tucking the baby securely and holding Samara against him - and rolled to safety as the colt dashed off and was later subdued by other hands. The workers of the estate heard the commotion and quickly went to see if Samara and the baby were alright. However, they were astonished at the sight of the man protecting her; the left side of the man's face harbored burnt scars that reached to downward into his neck.

As Joshua rolled his small family to safety, his cowl had fallen off, exposing his face to Samara. After realizing this, Joshua backed himself away, pulling the hood back over his face in fear. He carefully held his child, as he stepped away...

[Tismri]

Samara was distracted from her thoughts by the sound of frantic neighing and galloping. She lowered her gaze just in time to see one of the younger horses charging directly toward her. She didn't even have time to scream, but just before the horse reached her, someone pulled her out of the way. She knew from the clothing that it was David, the stablehand.
She noticed his cowl had fallen back, revealing his face. Her eyes widened, and she thought she was going mad. Though disfiguring scars covered one side of his face, she knew this man. She would recognize him anywhere. Still...it couldn't be him. Joshua had died in that explosion...hadn't he?
Once all the commotion settled down, he backed away, pulling the hood back over his face, still holding the baby in his arms. She didn't take her eyes off him, no matter that all the other servants were around to make sure she was all right. She took a slow step toward him, reaching out her arm. She gently pushed the cowl back so she could see his face again, staring into his eyes.
"J-Joshua?" she asked, her hand trembling as she moved it to touch his face. Disbelief and uncertainly caused her to doubt. She was half-convinced that she was going absolutely mad. "Is that you?"

[Max452]

Joshua tensed as Samara lowered the cowl, her eyes a mixture of disbelief and hope. He let out a small sigh as he felt her touch; it had been so long. However, a small twinge of guilt and uncertainty was expressed on his facial features. She now saw him as he was now - scarred and maimed. "Samara." He let out a whisper. He glanced down at the babe, studying her for a moment, surprised that she did not cry after the small mayham. He gingerly offered the child back to her mother. "She is beautiful." He simply said, grateful that he was able to see her up close.

The servants around them were confused as they watched their encounter. Joshua suddenly felt self conscious. "Samara...please, let us discuss this somewhere else..." He told her as he carefully placed his cowl back on. "I do not want unwanted ears to hear my voice." He simply said, fearing that he could be placing Samara in danger again if his existance was known again.

[Tismri]

Samara gently took their daughter from Joshua as she kept her eyes on him. She was more shocked than anything else, unable to comprehend how he was here, right now, when she'd spent the better part of a year believing he was dead. Still, his voice confirmed it.
His urgent words brought her mostly back to her senses. She noticed the other servants around, and she knew Joshua would be uncomfortable around others. In a way, he always had been.
"I'm all right," she assured everyone, her voice steady and raised. "The baby is fine as well. David here saved both our lives. Thank you for your concern; you may now return to your duties." She looked back to her old, familiar savior again, and her voice lowered once again to where only he would hear.
"Come to me tonight," she said softly, so desperate to speak with him again. He knew his way into her room, and she knew he could get in without anyone seeing. She lingered for just a moment more before turning to walk back to her house and attending to her duties again.

[Max452]

Joshua carefully backed away from Samara after she announced her safety. The servants seemed more at ease, but still weary of him - they had seen his disfigured face. He nodded to Samara's request, watching her leave before returning to his task, trying to ignore the people and their stares. He was grateful when they finally let him be and he readied his nerves to see Samara again.

***
Night had fallen and Joshua took the familiar path up to Samara's window, where he used magic to hide his presence and visage. It was a bit late for his visit, but Joshua had to make sure that none would suspect his movements to Samara's bedroom. To any one that had paid attention, David the stablehand had retired to his simple quarters on the other side of the estate.

Now, the once dead Aramis moved silently in the night, following his heart and feet to the bed chambers that he had, nearly a year ago, been so frequently before. Carefully, Joshua entered the room, his feet silent as he closed the window that was openly ready for him. "The baby will catch a cold, Samara." He half heartedly chided her as he removed his spells to reveal himself. He cautiously hid his maimed hand from her, still embarassed about his features as the cowl still lingered over his head.

[Tismri]

Samara glanced up from the estate records she had been going over even this late into the night. The baby woke often enough that she got very little sleep anyway, so she decided to attempt to get some business done while waiting for her visitor. She smiled as he appeared, as he had so many times before. In some ways, it almost felt as if he had never been away. Still, the agonizing months loomed in her mind.
"Her name is Joshalyn," she told him with a smile, "after you." She rose and took some steps toward him. He still covered his face, and that bothered her. She frowned, confused. "You have been here all this time...Why did you always hide yourself from me?" Her eyes reflected her disappointment. Did he not realize how lonely she had been? If she'd known he was still alive, these months would have been such a joy rather than misery.

[Max452]

Joshua felt a smile spread on his lips at the sound of the baby's name, though the cowl hid it from Samara. "I like it." He simply said, before hanging his head down in guilt. He felt her presence come closer to him and a part of him wanted to shy away because of his image and guilt. He lifted his head briefly, not missing the pained look in her eyes. "I am sorry." He glanced down again, "I...am afraid Samara." He told her truthfully. "I am not the same as I was..." He lifted his maimed hand briefly so that it was at his waist, but then lowered it, "...I wanted you to have someone more worthy...more whole, so I settled with protecting you in the shadows...it has been unbearable without being able to truly speak to you...to touch you...but, my fear won out, and for that I am sorry for causing you pain - I only wish the best for you...the best for both of you..." His hooded head glanced over to Joshalyn. "She deserves a more worthy father than I; one that can truly care and provide for her. Someone whole." He turned his head back to Samara. "You both do." It pained him to say as such, but it was what he felt. He knew he was a lot older than Samara and that at one time had caused a obstacle for them, but now, he knew that they should not be together now, with his maimness and disfigurement. She had just managed to make her family name reputable again. What would happen to her if she married a maim, older man? She would mostly likely be shunned in the noble community. He did not want that for her. She deserved the best this world had to offer her.

[Tismri]

Samara stared up at Joshua sadly as he spoke the truth to her. She knew all he ever wanted was the best for her, but all she wanted was him. Gently, she took his maimed hand, the missing fingers awkward, but not repulsive to her. She reached her other hand inside his cowl to touch his face, staring up at him.
"If I ever judged you by your appearance, I would not have followed you when I was ten," she told him. "There is no one more worthy to be the father of my daughter. Beneath whatever may lay on your body or your history, I know you have a heart of gold. You provide for me security and assurance. I trust you with my life, and I know you would do anything to protect both me and our daughter."
She stared up into his eyes, her expression begging and almost tearful. "Please, Joshua...I need you. Not some nobleman who knows how to manage an estate, not someone who will pretend to be Joshalyn's father, who would not respect, love, or trust me because I had a child while unmarried. I need you."

[Max452]

Joshua's hand flinched at being touched, held by Samara; it had been so long since he felt her hand in his. He was in awe on how she seemed so unaffected by his missing fingers or scarred face. He gently closed his maimed hand over her's, relishing in her warmth and love. His eyes were locked onto hers as she begged him to stay with her and he soon found that all of his resolve to fight against her was slipping away. Her pleas were heartfelt and honest and he knew that she would never settle with anyone else besides him, and that made his heart glad. He never could figure out how she could change his mind so easily - how she could bring him relief when she did. His whole hand went to caress her cheek as his expression softened. "We will have many trials ahead of us, Samara. Our union will not settle well with your family and we must change my name and background lest my enemies realize I am alive." He laid out his concerns to her, a roundabout way signifying she had gotten what she desired. He was never able to deny her for too long. His free hand, then, carefully went to lower his cowl, exposing his face to her once more. He would have to tell her the story of his escape soon, but right now, all he really wanted was to enjoy the company of his family. "I hope she will not be afraid of me." Joshua told Samara as he glanced over to his daughter's sleeping form. He then glanced back to Samara. "You are not afraid of me?" He asked, a worried look sought for acceptance and assurance.

[Tismri]

Samara smiled slightly at his words, seeing that he had accepted her. She'd been afraid he would run away and leave her alone. As he mentioned coming up with a story about his background, she had a few ideas formulating in her mind already. She would speak with him more about it later. Her eyes drifted to their daughter as he spoke about her.
"Whatever made you think I would be afraid of you?" she asked him. "I know who you are and what you are like. Your appearance does not change that. And I don't think she'll be afraid of you either." Samara turned his face back toward her and stared into his eyes, still amazed that he was even here, still alive and with her again.
"I missed you," she whispered, her voice trembling as she wrapped her arms around him tightly, taking in his warmth and security once again. "I missed you so, so much." She brought her lips to his, unable to stop herself from her desperate longing.

[Max452]

"Thank you, Samara." Joshua whispered as he felt the reassurance of Samara's love. Her tender arms wrapped around him then and he gratefully accepted the warmth and gesture of it. He held her close, his eyes closing from all the pain he had put her through. "I missed you too. I'm sorry I did not come to you sooner." He whispered back as he closed the distance between them, his own longing coming forth as he hungrily claimed her lips. "I miss you. I love you. I need you." His low voice whispered to her repeatedly through his kisses as he gently tugged her to her bed. He knew that she would not judge his appearance now, but he wondered if she would be shocked to find the extent of his burns; he had managed to heal himself so that only the outer layer of skin was damaged to the point of scars - all on the left side of his body, stopping to the point of his hips, where he had managed to escape before his lower body was damaged.

[Tismri]

Samara followed Joshua's tuggings to her bed, allowing her deepest longings to control her actions tonight. When his tunic was removed, she noticed just how far his scars extended. She only felt sorrow, only imagining what he might have suffered. She was so glad he had survived, as well as amazed. She wanted to hear him tell her what had happened, but later. For now, she just loved him, as she thought she never would be able to again. She relished every moment, appreciating his touch more than ever before.
"I love you," she whispered to him repeatedly. Then they were interrupted by the hungry cry of their newborn. Samara paused a moment, split for a second between her need and that of her child, before going to attend to Joshalyn.

OOC: Hehe, the joys of having a baby...

[Max452]

Joshua felt the fine contours of the bed as he laid himself down on his back, kissing Samara eagerly as she removed his tunic. He paused for a moment, watching her gaze at his marred features. He felt nervous for a moment, but relaxed after hearing her utter words of love. He kissed her passionately and they were thus engaged when the cries of his daughter reached his ears. He felt himself tense, along with Samara as they both were regaining their clarity of their surroundings. He chuckled with light amusement at their situation and with understanding watched Samara tend to Joshalyn.

Joshua laid his head back against the bed, grateful to be with his family. After a moment of calming his heart beat, the former assassin got up from the bed to help his lover and best friend. "What can I do to help?" He asked her, noting the tiredness in her eyes; she probably hadn't slept much since the birth of their daughter.