Family Pact

[Tismri]

Marola smiled at her son as he protested her words, his expression proving her point.
"You feel as if I am scolding you right now, abashed by my pointing out a weakness. Your initial inclination is to deny it fervently, which does nothing but reinforce my point." She gazed at him intently for a few moments. "Any adult should learn to accept criticism with grace and humility, even if you do not agree. To whine and protest is a sign that you are still a child. And yes, there are even some people older than I am who are still children. But you, Daeron, are my son, and I know you are better than they." Though she kept her voice steady, her eyes were momentarily misted with a sheen of tears that was gone as soon as it had appeared. Her children, grown up. How was that possible?
"It's important to learn to hide your true feelings, especially in this profession. It is essential that you do not let others know what you are thinking and feeling. Can you tell me why?"

[Max452]

Did Daeron know the know the answer to why it was best not to expose his emotions so easily? Yes, the young man had an inkling of an idea. He raised his head, having felt that she was not scolding, but educating him. This was a new experience, one that would take some time to get use to. "People will use my emotions against me...use me." He whispered, thinking of Sachiko. His heart ached at the thought of her. He had promised his mother that he would hear Sachiko out once he returned, but it still could not erase the pain that he felt when he saw her kissing another boy. Daeron clenched his jaws. "It is easier to manipulate someone when you know exactly how they are reacting." He finalized, trying to bury the sorrow in his heart.

[Tismri]

Marola nodded slowly at Daeron's words, approving of the answer he provided.
"Yes, there are those who will use your emotions against you. They will learn how you will react to certain situations, and they will create circumstances, essentially guiding you down a path that is not of your choosing, but one you believe you have control over. Those who manipulate in this fashion are the most sadistic of people.
"Also, it is important not to others know what you're thinking and feeling, because even the slightest expression can give away your next action. Let's say you were told to eliminate an individual. You are perfectly set up, only waiting the right opportunity. But for one moment, you meet your target's eyes. Without control, he will easily read your motives and actions in your face, and you will have failed. You are to be an actor, a pretender. Entirely remove any and all suspicion from yourself." Marola paused for a moment to think, and let her words soak into her son's mind. It was still uncomfortable for her, teaching her son how to be a ruthless killer. She continued in a softer tone.
"At the same time, it is important to not forget your true emotions. Just because you can't show your feelings, this does not mean you should not feel. Why do you think it might be important to know your true emotions, even though they must remain hidden from others?"

[Max452]

Daeron listened carefully to his Mother, absorbing her instruction thoughtfully. It surprised him how important it was to hide his emotions. He had no idea that he would have to be an actor in order to kill someone. He mostly thought he would be in the shadows and emerging only when the moment was right to kill someone. There was actual planning and strategy that came with this profession and that, terrified and excited Daeron. He wondered how his mother was able to do it and if she did, did she always do it with him or father? Her question caught him out of his thought and he thought for a moment about it. "If we lose our true emotions, do we not lose ourselves, mother?" He asked, hesitant on his answer. "I think, if I didn't know how I really felt, I would be lost...lost in who ever I was pretending to be. It would be lonely, I think." He replied, unsure if his answer was right. "Mother...did you...ever pretend with Father or the rest of us?" He asked, wondering if he had the right to ask such a thing. He was mostly curious, but he was nervous on it as well - did that mean she was pretending to love her family in the replacement of this Family? So much lies and deception in this world. Daeron wondered if he would be ever to pick it out.

[Tismri]

Marola nodded in response to Daeron's answer, but there was no smile on her face. Her expression was reflective.
"If you lose sight of your true emotions, whatever you are faking will consume you. But if you let your true emotions take over, you can become blinded. It is a careful balance, maintained by self-control. And to lose yourself in such a way is the loneliest feeling in the world." Alone with her son, for one fragile moment she allowed him to see her bleak expression, one that often came only when she was in bed, with Marcus fast asleep, while she would gently stroke the old brand mark on his shoulder while she thought on all the things she regretted in her past. Since having her children and caring for each of them, those moments became fewer and fewer, but they still came.
She heard Daeron's question and her mind returned to the present, where she offered him a small smile. She knew he had every right to ask that question of her.
"Sometimes," she told him truthfully. "You know very well that I've wasted many years of my life and regret every moment of it. There are days when the weight of my actions press down on my mind and all I want to do is hide from it. During those times, I fake a smile and go through the motions of every day life. It's not because I want to deceive you, my star, but because I know I must put my family's needs before my own wanton desires and emotions. And other times there are things that I must hide. Like this Family, for instance." She looked at him with a more severe gaze, to make certain he understood the depths. "You can never speak of this to anyone who is not a member. Has Lucien told you our tenants yet?"