Post by Tismri on Aug 21, 2014 20:26:10 GMT -5
So, I wrote this for a friend who likes to stream reading horrible fan fictions. It's an excellent example of bad, terrible, awful writing. It is purposely bad. And sometimes I fear it's still not as bad as what some people have posted on the internet. Trinn, I'm sorry. Be prepared to be utterly horrified, because it's Legend of Zelda.
I was sleeping. I like to sleep, because no one is bothering me then and I can sit and dream about things like being a heroic princess of mushroom town. I had one dream where all the fiarys in the world were flying around me, and suddenly I was flying too and my family cheered me on as I eat the clouds made of cotton candy canes. That was a good dream.
This dream isn't as fun. I was just minding my own business going on a date with my deku scrub friend when out of nowhere a big monster that looks like a pig wearing a toga with feathers just eat her and said "I gonna eat you too. You have some yummy cheese triangles in your hand. They look so tasty." He opened his mouth and tried to ate me, but then I hear a girl's voice says to me "Master, throw the sword into his mouth." Suddenly, I had a big purple sword in my hand, but I can't throw because it paralyzed me with fear. The mouth came closer and then I wake up.
Waking up wasn't any more fun than the dream was. My mom was shaking my shoulder so hard that it hurt and told me to get up because I was late to work. I was annoyed because going to work meant that I had to see Maku the Zorah and Globby the Goron. They like to make fun of me because I'm the only girl who works for the palace guard. But it's okay because when I beat them with my sword they stop and sometimes cry, because I'm just that awesome. Relu…Rulack…I got up slowly because I didn't want to get up. I brushed my short blondish hair and put on my floppy green hat and tunic that my grandfather said belonged to his great grandfather. I always thought it just looked cool, and for being a billion years old it was still very comfortable. The other guards all have to wear armor and greaves and stuff, but since my grandfather's great grandfather was a hero, the royal family let me wear it. I also got a really cool shield, too, but my sword is the same as everyone else's. I wish I asked my grandfather where the sword his great grandfather used was, but he died before I could ask him. Now it's just me and my mom and my five brothers and seven sisters.
"It's the hotshot squirt" I heard Maku say. I was at the palace now on my way to clock in so I could get paid. Maku tried to grab my hat, but I jumped away. But Globby was there to stop me. He tried punching me, but I had my sword and I made him stop, cutting his hand a little and making him cry. I walked past them and clocked in. I was a half an hour late, but that was okay because I was going to make up for it by staying extra late. I walked around the castle, making my rounds and making sure everybody was safe and no weirdos were sneaking into the castle. There were some creepy places in the castle. I didn't like the sewer dungeon. Not only was it scary and filled with ghosts, but it smelled terrible, too. The rounds were boring as usual. Sometimes I thought I heard someone laughing at me, but that was all my imagination because nobody ever laughed in the palace because it was a lonely place because the princess was gone because the king was scared that the world was going to explode. Everyone tried to tell him that it wasn't going to happen, but he kept saying that the Great Ganon would make the world explode inside out unless the princess found the Triforce. I passed out in the hallway because I didn't sleep well last night. In my dream I saw a blue and purple person dancing around saying, "Wake up, Master Link. The world's in trouble. Ganon is going to come back." I kept sleeping because I was tired and thought it was just a dream until Globby shook me a wake by grabbing my shirt and banging me against the wall. Maku punched me saying "Sleeping on the job, huh? Don't think you can weasel your way out of this now. Just because you're the hero's ancestor doesn't mean you'll escape the dungeon now. Let's go." Globby grabbed my sword so I couldn't use it, so I grabbed his sword instead and made them both stop and start to cry. I decided to go to the temple across the street because no one ever went then and it was nice and quiet. When I walked in, I saw that a secret room was open. There is where I saw the purple sword from my dream. (Not the last one with the blue and purple lady. It was the one with the evil pig.) It was shiny and stuck inside an altar, so I pulled it out. Then I passed out again, but not because I was sleepy but because the sword started to talk to me. It looked like the blue and purple girl again, and she was saying "Master, wake up. You have to go protect the princess as is your duty." I immediately woke up and it was dark outside. I went back to the palace to clock out of my shift at work, carrying the purple sword with me. It was really long, but it luckily still fit the sheath for my normal sword. I would have gone straight home, but instead I left the town and called for Epona. The horse came to me immediately and we went to Kakariko because that was where the princess went because that was where we heard the Triforce was because her dad wanted to stop the world from exploding.
Epona stopped halfway there because there was a strange tall man in the road. He wasn't from town because I'd never seen him before. He was very strange and very tall.
"So I've finally found you," he was saying with a little evil smirk chuckle. "I've been searching far and wide for the reincarnation of the goddess, and what do you know? She walks right into me." I had no idea what he was talking about, and I drew my new sword, ready to fight him. "Come now, don't do that. Just come with me and together we can unseal my master and let him rule over Hyrule again." He started talking as he stared up at the stars. "Come now, I know it's been quite some since we last met, your grace, but I'm sure you still remember me. It is Ghirahim, the demon lord." He snapped his fingers and appeared behind me, scaring Epona away. He was very tall, even taller than Maku or Globby. "Come now. Don't try to play coy. I can sense your Triforce, so I know you're the goddess, or the princess as you likely are now. You probably thought yourself clever by dressing up like that silly boy I fought, but I know it's you." I turned around to hack my sword at him, and he stopped my blade with his hand, not even getting a scratch. His eyes grew wide when he saw it. "But…that sword. It can't be. The only one who can use that sword is that boy, the goddess' chosen hero. But you're a girl!" I hit him with the sword over and over again until he ran away. Ghirahim suddenly smirked and shook his head. "I see now. You just disguised yourself as a girl to throw me off. But the sword tells me who you are. You're lucky I don't kill you right now, but I don't feel like it. Instead I'm going to go look for the real reincarnation of the goddess. Maybe later I will fight you. I never did get to make your own screams deafen you." He snapped his fingers as he did his smirking chuckle again and vanished. I looked around for Epona, but she had disappeared, too, so I got out my ocarina and played the song that made her come back to me no matter how far she had gone away and continued to ride to Kakariko to find the princess.
Epona trotlloped into the town at a recklessly slow pace, running over a strange old lady in the process. She wasn't the princess, so I wanted to just keep going, but I knew it was a good idea to help people, especially old ladies and people your horse trotlloped over. So I got off Epona and did a dramatic roll toward the old lady. I think she was impressed because she backed away with enormous old lady eyes. "It's okay," the old lady said, gazing at me. Now that I looked at her, she looked weirdly like an old lady version of the strange tall man from the night before. She was much shorter, but her face was almost as skinny and she wore a clothes with a weird eye painted on it. I remembered what my dad always told me: eyes are made for arrows. But then he died, so I never did get to figure out what he meant by that, so I would have shot everything with eyes if I had a bow, but I didn't. "What is a pretty knight like yourself doing in Kakariko." I stared at her for a couple of minutes before shrugging. "Oh, you're looking for the princess." The old lady said. She got up and found her cane than had been knocked away. She picked up her cane that had fallen out of her hand and started to walk into town. I decided to follow her because maybe she knew where I could find the princess. But she walked so slow that I went into town ahead of her. I decided while I was waiting for her that I would chase around some chickens and I grabbed one and took it to a roof. When I jumped off the roof, it flew for a while, which made me giggle a bunch. By then the old lady was at a house that she opened and I followed her inside.
"To find the princess, you need to prove that you're worthy of finding her. I need you to go get some flowers from the volcano." She pointed out a window where I could see the spewing lava. It didn't look that dangerous, so I decided to go ahead and do it. I left the house and played with the chickens some more until night time. When it was night time I ran up the mountain with a chicken, in case I got hungry later or wanted to fly around. I thought I saw some Gorons on the way, but I couldn't be sure since Gorons are scared of chickens. I hiked up the volcano for days and days, but the top just wouldn't get any closer. The chicken flew away when I tried to eat it, but I just drank my potion instead. The bottle that the potion came in was from my best friend Hilda but the potion was just something that I bought at the store. The potion made me feel better and I was happy to have Hilda's bottle with me so I decided to sleep. The next morning a bunch of Gorons surrounded me and tied me up. I tried to fight them back, but they tied me up and I couldn't struggle. They talked about needing to sacrifice someone to Din and decided I was perfect for it since I was just a human so they threw me into the volcano. It was very hot in there and the ropes burned off. I landed on a weird rock and started walking around randomly until I found a treasure chest. The chest was really hot, though, so I didn't want to touch it, but I had a feeling it had a key to that locked door I saw earlier while exploring, because everybody I know puts their door keys in great big chests. I decided to kick the chest and see what happened and it somehow opened!!!!!!!!!!!!! I grabbed the key out of the chest and continued walking around. I found the locked door and went through and suddenly I was attacked by a bunch of keese. They weren't normal ordinary unremarkable keese either, but rather they were on fire and looked evil. I killed them with my purple sword and continued through the volcano. There was some lava around that looked really hot, so I made sure I jumped over it when I needed to. I looked into a little cave and saw some faeriz flying around, so I caught one in my friend's bottle and took it with me while I explored the place. I found more locked doors and more keys in chests and also found a slingshot in a different chest that I used to shoot more keese and slugs. Eventually I found a really big fancy ornamental shelf door that looked like it needed a super special key, so I decided to look around some more. Eventually I saw this really big fancy ornamental shelf chest with a really big gemstone on it. When I opened it, it was a super fancy special key. I decided I wanted to take a nap, so I got inside the chest and closed the lid because no one would ever find me there. While I was sleeping, I dreamed about cheese triangles flying in the sky that made me really hungry but since there were no crackers, I didn't want to eat them. Instead I saw that strange tall man from before turn into a sword and stab the cheese before turning back into a man. He saw the princess and called out, but then the old lady came along. "Impa, it's been a long time," Ghirahim said. "You got old." "Not really" the old lady said and suddenly she looked younger, though she was still older than I was. She was taller, too, almost as tall as Ghirahim. He giggled and took her hand and she giggled too. "I missed you Impa" Ghirahim said as they skipped off together into the medow and chased after butterflies. They looked so happy and I couldn't help but smile but then I woke up and hopped out of the super fancy chest. It was getting kind stuffy in there and I walked back to the ornamental shelf door that needed the key and unlocked it. Inside was a big slimy snake with legs that had poison teeth and toes. I had to avoid the toes, but by shooting the teeth with my slingshot they fell out and I could get into its mouth and hit it with the purple sword before the teeth grew back. I did this a few times and then the snake died but left its poison toes behind. I saw a fancy heart container that made me feel better because I was very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very tired after that fight. Then I saw the flowers that the old lady wanted me to find so I picked them and walked back through the volcano. At the front door all the Gorons from before showed up and they all looked amazed. "You survived the volcano sacrifice. Will you be our new leader?" I didn't say anything because I don't talk very much and they carried me on their shoulders back to their village and put me on a throne and said they would do whatever I said, so I told them to stop throwing people into the volcano. They gave me a Goron baby to hold which was really heavy but so cute in an ugly sort of way that I didn't mind and I played with it until I asked the Gorons to take me back to Kakariko. They took me back to Kakariko and I found the old lady and gave her the flowers. The old lady smirked at me and smiled before patting me on the head. "Good job. Maybe if you keep this up I'll let you see the princess but first you have to go to the forest and get some water for me. It's very special water because it comes from the forest and it's magic so bring it back to me and maybe some day you'll get to meet the princess."
I frowned when the old lady told me about the forest. Why did I need to find some super-special magic water, anyway? And then I hit me in the head: the magic water will keep the magic volcano flower alive!!!!!!!! And obviously the magic volcano flower was something that the princess needed, so I decided to do what the old lady told me to do. I went outside. "Link!" the old lady called, so I went back inside. "Take this and put the water in it." She gave me a shiny new bottle. It was so much shinier and prettier than the one Hilda gave me, I knew it had to be brand new. I took it with solemn giddiness and ran back out the door. Then I heard something coming from my pocket when I went to look for Epona. I pulled out my bottle, not the one the old lady just gave me, but the other one with the farry. The noise it was making was loud and annoying, so I opened the bottle. "Do you know how long I was shouting at you? Why would you shove me into that tiny bottle? Do you know what I—Watch out!" I turned around and saw a deku babba lunching at me, so I rolled out of the way, pulling out my big purple sword. "Listen!" the fari said, and I turned to look at it when the mean plant lunched at me again and tried to bite me. I swung my sword at it, but it dodged. "Hey!" I ignored the ferie and kept trying to kill the deku babba. "Hey! Hey! Listen! Hey! Watch out!" And then the deku babba was dead. I stared glariciously at the fiarry. "Don't you know I'm supposed to guide you? You'll never make it through the forest without me!" I shook my head and got on Epona, riding toward the forest with the firy chasing after me.
The forest was really big and dark. I had no idea where the magic water was supposed to be, so I just picked a direction and started walking. While I walked, the feary was talking const—uncontr—it wouldn't shut up. "My name's Navi! I'm so glad to Watch out! So glad to meet you Link. Listen! I know these woods better than anyone, and Hey! Hey! Since these are the Lost Woods, it's a good thing to Hey! Listen! To have a guide who know where we're going. Watch out! Where are you goin?" I found a door made out of trees. It looked really out of place in the rest of the forest made of regular trees, so maybe the magic water was in there. I went through the tree door and found myself in a place full of water! But the water was just ordinary water and not magic water but I needed magic water instead of ordinary water because that's what the old lady told me. I was scared of water becuse I never knew how to swim more than sideways doggie paddle, so I didn't know what to do. I stared at the watery place until I heard Navi yelling at me.
"HeyHeyHeyHeyHeyHey!" I looked over at her glarically until I saw a platform floating along the water. I ran up to do and jumped on it and landed on it and it floated around the room in a circle. There was a locked door on the other side of the room, so I looked around for a chest that someone might have kept the key in. I finally saw a big one on a cliff that had vines growing on it, which was lucky for me because I love climbing on vines. So I jumped off the platform and landed on the ground beside the vines just as Navi flew up to the chest at the top of the vines and shouted "Hey!" again. I climbed the vines without any sort of work and kicked at the chest. What do you know? It opened!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Inside it wasn't a key. It was a pair of flippers. I was really scared to put them on, because I didn't know how to swim, but Navi yelled at me, "Listen! These are super magic awesome flippers! When you put them on, you'll know how to swim!" So I put them on and fell into the water. I kicked around and yelled for a long time before I realized that there wasn't anything to be scared of. Then I swam around for a while, whizzing around happily. I think I was a bird. A birdfish. And then I saw the chest. Birdfish are really cool. They're like colorful penguins, but much more cheerful. I opened up the chest to find the key I was looking for and went to open the door. So I went around, looking for keys in chests so I could get into the room with the magic water. Then I come along a really big wood door that looked really too fancy to be seen in the forest. It was a lot like the ornamental shelf door that was in the volcano. I had to go find a big fancy key, which was in a big fancy chest in a room I had been to before but I couldn't get to before because the rope was all knotted up. So I untangled the knot and climbed up to the super ultra fancy chest that had the awesome amazing shiny key in it. I fell off the ledge into the water and made my way back to the ornamental wood shelf door and opened it. Inside was a huuuuuuuuuge jellyfish with more tentacles than you could ever image that tried to eat me as soon as it saw me. Navi was no help because all she yelled was "Watch Out" every couple of seconds after I came in the room. It took me a few minutes to realize that the jellyfish had eyeballs. I took out my slingshot and wished I had a bow as I shot the eyes one at a time until it couldn't see anymore, and then I slashed off its tentacles. When the jellyfish wasn't moving anymore, I saw the pretty ornamental heart container floating down to me and I took it and felt better because I was extremely super very tired. Then I took the old lady's bottle and filled it up with the magical jellyfish water, sure that this was what she wanted.
After I picked up the magical jellyfish water, I heard Navi yelling at me again, "HEY!" I looked at her and saw a shiny teleporter thing. "This will teleport you back to the beginning, Link!" I stepped inside the teleporter and went out the front door of the water-tree-jellyfish place and realized that I was already super tired again. I heard Navi yelling at me while I found a big mushroom to curl up under and take a nap.
There were lollypops. I usually like it when I dream about candy, but these lollypops looked sad. There were even gooey, sugary tears rolling down their little tasty faces. "What's wrong, lollypops?" I asked, picking one up and licking it. "Ganon ate our baby brother," they told me. "We miss him so much, but he said if we didn't tell him where to find the cheese triangles, he would keep eating us until we did. But we don't know where they are, so we lied to him, and then he ate our baby brother and ran away." I frowned, because I was sad, because the lollypops were sad, because Gananan ate their little brother. I stared at the horizon that was full of mollasase and chocolate syrup and I kept licking the lollypop, and every time I licked it, it would yell, "Hey!' at me until I woke up. And then I woke up and it was Navi yelling at me, and I had ferry dust all in my mouth because I was licking Navi because I thought she was the lollypop, which is why she was mad at me. But she tasted like a strawberry poptart, so everything was okay.
"Hey! Hey! Listen!"
"Maaaaastaaa Link, you should not be sleeping. The world is about to end." I looked up and Fi was here, too. They both were yelling at me and annoying me, so I sat up and frowned at them. "You need to get that magical water back to Impa so she'll tell you where to find Zelda."
"Hey! Because if you don't the world is going to explode, just like the king is afraid of because Ganon is going to make it explode with the cheese triangles!" They both annoyed me enough by now that I decided to get up. I called Epona and we rode back to Kakariko, but on the way I saw two people that made me even more annoyed than Fi and Navi.
"Looky who we found!" Globby the goron said, grabbing me right off of Epona's saddle.
"She slacks off all day at work and then runs away with the special temple sword. I think we need to teach him a lesson," Maku agreed.
"We're taking you back to the castle and throwing you in the dungeon! Because it's a crime to slack off at work and then run away."
"Don't think we're gonna go easy on you just because you're a girl."
"Or because you're the hero's great-great-great granddaughter neither."
I tried to fight against them and get my sword, but Globby grabbed both my arms and my legs and made me very uncomfortable. Navi was freaking out, flying everywhere and yelling "Watch out! Watch out! Hey! Watch out! Hey! Hey! Hey!" Maku noticed my purple sword.
"That's an awfully nice sword there. Maybe I'm gonna keep it. I'll just tell the king you broke it. Ha! He'll never let you out of the dungeon then!" He tried to grab the sword, but it fell out of his hand imme—insta—he dropped it right away. He was yelling too, like it hurt him or something.
"Leave it," Globby said, carrying me away. "It's supposed to be special anyway, so not just anybody can use it. If we get back to the castle without it, we can still say she broke and she'll never get to leave the dungeon. Come on." Maku followed Globby, leaving my purple sword with Fi inside it laying in the grass while Navi flew frenziedly after us, yelling the whole time. I struffled and fought and tried to get away, but Globby was holding on to me so tight I couldn't move. Navi wasn't helping either, just yelling and flying around until Maku slapped her out of the air, making her stop flying, making her crash to the ground making her get left behind. So now I had no furry, to sword, to magicl swrod person, and no old lady. All I had was a bottle of slimy jellyfish water and a floppy hat.
After many long hours of trying to struggle against my captors, I eventually became very sleepy. I didn't really want to sleep, since I was being uncomfortably crushed against Globby's chest, but I became so sleepy that I couldn't stop myself from sleeping. When I fell asleep, I dreamed about a really big field. It looked a lot like Hyruzle field except that it was all dark and cloudy and full of moblins and gorias. They were big and scary. But they weren't nearly as scary as Ghirahim, who was standing in the middle of the field surrounded by lots of lightning bolts and fireballs. He was saying something I oculdn't hear, so I decided to get closer and see what he was doing. He was dancing around in a circle, hopping on one foot and twirling while singing some sort of weird song. He looked very scary, and I reached for my sword, but my sword wasn't there. Then I started to get really scared. How could I stop what Ghirahim was doing if I didn't have my sword? Suddenly, he started laughing very loudly, and I noticed that there was a person lying on the middle of the circle that he had been dancing.
It was a girl.
It was a young girl.
It was a young girl with golden hair.
It was a young girl with golden hair and blue eyes.
At first I thought it was the princess. He had been looking for her after all. But as I continued to look, I saw that she was wearing the same green tunic that I always wore. The hero's tunic. My grandfather's great-grandfather's tunic. And then I realized.
The girl was me.
"It is done!" Ghirahim was saying. "Now with the power of the spirits of both the goddess and her hero, my Master can finally return with his full power! Wait for me, Impa! Once my master returns, he will make you young and beautiful again, and we can be together for all eternity!!!!"
When I woke up, I found myself in a cell. I was in a dungeon. Except that itw asn't the dungeons of Hyruzle castle. I had been all over in them long enough to know everything about them, and this place did not even smell like them. I was wondering where Globby and Maku had brought me. I felt around the bars and the walls, looking for a way out. Unfortu—howev—but there wasn't a key or anything lying around or anything. So I couldn't leave. I sat there wondering what I should do. Luckily I still had my bottle of magic jellyfish water, because I didn't never ever want to go back to the forest where I got it and I knew for sure that the old lady would send me back if I tried to come back to Kakariko without it. I was about to give up looking for a way out when I heard a giggle on the other side.
"My my, look what a pickle you got yourself into." A little girl stepped out of the shadows and grinned at me. Well, I don't think she was actually a little girl. She looked more like a shadow herself, with a lite blue-green body and bright orange eyes. She was flying in the air so that she could look into my eyes. "You really do like to get yourself locked up, don't you?" I stared at her, still trying to figure out what she was. She most defiantly wasn't human. And what did she mean about me getting locked up?
"Just as talkative as ever, I see. Well then let me make you a deal. I get you out of here, and you help me get home. How about it?" I really didn't know how she could help me get out, but then I didn't know how I would help her get home either, so I decided to agree and nodded. "That's a good boy," she said patting me on the head, then smiled evilly. "Or good girl, I guess. Geez, you're always full of surprises, Link." I had no idea how she knew my name when she slipped a key through the bars into my hand. I used it on the cell door and it opened. I glanced at the little girl, but now she had actually become a shadow and was hiding inside mine. "Oh, I guess I should introduce myself since you don't know who I am my name's Midna."
I left the cell in the dungeon and wandered around the dark, damp, dusty hallways to try to find the way out. Every couple of minutes, Midna would make some kind of yawn or bored sound like she was bored or something. Other than that it was so quiet I felt sad. Sometimes Fi would talk to me and Navi's constant chatter had been ringing in my ears but now I was all alone without them or Epona. I hoped that they were still where I left them because even though Navi was annoying and they both liked to wake me up when I was sleeping they were still my friends and I missed them a bunch.
"Are you going to wander around moping all day, or are you going to get out of here?" Midna got out of my shadow and told me to follow her, so she helped me find my way out. Luckily the exit wasn't locked. When I got out, I saw that the sky was a weird brownish color, not blue like normal. I wondered if I was in the desert or if the sun was setting or something. It turns out that the sun was setting over the desert, and a giant sandstorm was coming straight at me. The wind blew me flat on my face. I had no idea where I was. I felt around in my pocket, but my ocarina was gone so I couldn't call Epona. I crawled in the sand until I found a wall and curled up against it. I quickly became bored but because of all the wind and sand, I couldn't fall asleep, so I just sat there staring at the horizon while the sun went down. I wondered where my ocarina was and after the wind stopped blowing sand in my face I got up to look for it. I thought maybe I'd lost it in the dungeon, or maybe Maku had took it. But Maku was nowhere to be found and sand now covered the way into the dungeon. So I started walking in a random direction.
"Walking in a random direction in the desert is a sure way to get yourself killed," Midna said from my shadow. I ignored her and kept walking. What else was there to do? I had no idea what the quickest way out of here was. But I couldn't stay here either. I didn't have anything to eat or drink and I sure didn't want to sleep out here. The old lady was probably wondering where I was, and I didn't have a sword or my ocarina. I still had my slingshot, but almost all of my deku seeds were gone. As I kept walking, I thought I heard someone laughing, just over the next sand dune. But when I went over it, I saw nobody. Maybe I was hallu…seeing a mira…hearing things. I don't know. The sun started to go down, and I wasn't any closer to the end of the desert than when I started.
"Well, you're determined. I'll give you that," Midna said. As the sun was going down, she left my shadow and started to float beside me, watching me carefully "But you're not as bright as you were before. You were way smarter then." I still had no idea what she was talking about. I'd never seen her before. I just kept going, ignoring her and the laughter. When I climbed over the next pile of sand, I was surprised to see someone there. Or something. It took me a couple of minutes to recognize it as a skull kid. In the darkness, I could only make out his straw hat and beady eyes. He made rattling noises as he moved.
Skull kids didn't come by Castle Town very often. They never ever visited the castle, either. The few times I had seen them, something about them had scared me, although I didn't think there was anything about them to really be scared of. I knew they liked music, and some of them liked to get into trouble. But I thought they lived in the forest. So what was one doing way out here in the desert.
As soon as he noticed me, the skull kid jumped up and started running away, shambling across the sand as fast as he could. "Hey!" Midna said, and for a second I thought Navi was back, which both relieved and terrified me, "He might know the way out of the desert. You should follow him." I walked after the skull kid for a long time. The moon was high in the sky when finally the sand came to an end. The grass quickly replaced it, and it felt wonderful under my feet. I was so happy to be out of the desert and so tired from my all day walk that I immediately collapsed on the ground. Above me, Midna shook her head. "How did you ever become such a lazy bum?" she asked as I fell asleep.
"Link!" "Hey!" "Master," "Listen!" "Link, where are you?" "Master, you have to return!" "Ganon is returning." "What makes you so special?" "Being the hero's line doesn't mean anything." All the voices spun around in my head, all familiar. Midna, Navi, Fi, even Maku and Globby.
"They're right, y'know." A voice that seemed like Ghirahim, but at the same time was definitely not him, seemed to whisper in my ear. "You ain't nothing special. You may wear your ancestor's clothes, but you can't never measure up to him." I reached for my sword, which was missing, and turned to face the voice. I saw nothing but darkness.
"Holding the Master Sword don't mean nothing." The whisper was in my other ear this time. I turned slowly, but still the inky blackness was all that greeted me.
"You ain't no hero. The princess is gone forever. You can't do nothing to stop the destruction that's approaching." I stood still while the voice seemed to slide into my ears and coil around my mind like a snake. But it sounded all too familiar to me. For the first time in a long while, I found myself wanting to speak. I wanted to ask this shadow a question.
"Ya wanna know who I am," the voice said, and the same laughter I had been hearing across the desert echoed painfully in my mind. At last, the darkness in front of me took on a shape. It was like looking into a lacquered reflection. It was me, except that it was black and muted gray. Crazy red eyes glared through at me, though a smile was turned on its face. "Ya wanna ask a question to which I am sure ya already know the answer. I'm you!!!!!!! Or rather, I'm yer doubts, yer fears, yer hatred and anger made manifest inside yer mind. I am a tool created by Ganon generations ago. I'm all the darkness within you. And until you can defeat me, you can't never succeed in this pathetic quest of yers. You will never find the princess so long as I linger here. You'll never save Hyruzle. You cannot grant Fi her peace, or allow Navi to restore life to the world. Midna will never be able to go home so long as I'm here to prevent it." Another laugh rippled through my mind, and I covered my head, trying to stop the ringing in my ears. "Ghirahim will destroy you, and Ganon will return. The world will fall into ruin, all because I exist in yer mind, keeping ya from finishing what needs to be done. So go on. Complete this little quest of yers for the old hag. I know you'll never be able to defeat me." Even as I found myself waking up again, still lying on the cool grass with Midna watching over me, that painful laughter continued to sting in my mind.
"As if I'd let someone like YOU get your hands on her!" Midna's voice was annoyed somewhere above me. I opened my eyes a little to see another figure standing by. It was about the same height she was, though since she was flying, she was taller than it was. I couldn't see much of its face except for its beady red eyes and what looked like a beak. It was wearing a big orange hat.
"I mean it!" it was saying, "Impa got worried, so she asked me to go find Link. I found Navi and the Master Sword. I can take you right to them."
"I don't trust any skull kids. You'd hurt and steal from people just because your bored." Midna stepped over me to keep the Skull Kid from getting any closer to me. I sat up and looked at the two of them. I was very confused. I didn't know who this Skull Kid was or why he might be looking for me. They both looked at me. The Skull Kid waved his arms, rattling.
"Your finally awake!" he said. "Navi is getting really worried about you! She would have come with me, but she didn't want to leave the sword alone. Come on." I stood up, and Midna sighed impatiently. This Skull Kid knew about Navi and my sword, so I decided to trust him. Besides, I had no idea how to get back to them on my own.
I was sleeping. I like to sleep, because no one is bothering me then and I can sit and dream about things like being a heroic princess of mushroom town. I had one dream where all the fiarys in the world were flying around me, and suddenly I was flying too and my family cheered me on as I eat the clouds made of cotton candy canes. That was a good dream.
This dream isn't as fun. I was just minding my own business going on a date with my deku scrub friend when out of nowhere a big monster that looks like a pig wearing a toga with feathers just eat her and said "I gonna eat you too. You have some yummy cheese triangles in your hand. They look so tasty." He opened his mouth and tried to ate me, but then I hear a girl's voice says to me "Master, throw the sword into his mouth." Suddenly, I had a big purple sword in my hand, but I can't throw because it paralyzed me with fear. The mouth came closer and then I wake up.
Waking up wasn't any more fun than the dream was. My mom was shaking my shoulder so hard that it hurt and told me to get up because I was late to work. I was annoyed because going to work meant that I had to see Maku the Zorah and Globby the Goron. They like to make fun of me because I'm the only girl who works for the palace guard. But it's okay because when I beat them with my sword they stop and sometimes cry, because I'm just that awesome. Relu…Rulack…I got up slowly because I didn't want to get up. I brushed my short blondish hair and put on my floppy green hat and tunic that my grandfather said belonged to his great grandfather. I always thought it just looked cool, and for being a billion years old it was still very comfortable. The other guards all have to wear armor and greaves and stuff, but since my grandfather's great grandfather was a hero, the royal family let me wear it. I also got a really cool shield, too, but my sword is the same as everyone else's. I wish I asked my grandfather where the sword his great grandfather used was, but he died before I could ask him. Now it's just me and my mom and my five brothers and seven sisters.
"It's the hotshot squirt" I heard Maku say. I was at the palace now on my way to clock in so I could get paid. Maku tried to grab my hat, but I jumped away. But Globby was there to stop me. He tried punching me, but I had my sword and I made him stop, cutting his hand a little and making him cry. I walked past them and clocked in. I was a half an hour late, but that was okay because I was going to make up for it by staying extra late. I walked around the castle, making my rounds and making sure everybody was safe and no weirdos were sneaking into the castle. There were some creepy places in the castle. I didn't like the sewer dungeon. Not only was it scary and filled with ghosts, but it smelled terrible, too. The rounds were boring as usual. Sometimes I thought I heard someone laughing at me, but that was all my imagination because nobody ever laughed in the palace because it was a lonely place because the princess was gone because the king was scared that the world was going to explode. Everyone tried to tell him that it wasn't going to happen, but he kept saying that the Great Ganon would make the world explode inside out unless the princess found the Triforce. I passed out in the hallway because I didn't sleep well last night. In my dream I saw a blue and purple person dancing around saying, "Wake up, Master Link. The world's in trouble. Ganon is going to come back." I kept sleeping because I was tired and thought it was just a dream until Globby shook me a wake by grabbing my shirt and banging me against the wall. Maku punched me saying "Sleeping on the job, huh? Don't think you can weasel your way out of this now. Just because you're the hero's ancestor doesn't mean you'll escape the dungeon now. Let's go." Globby grabbed my sword so I couldn't use it, so I grabbed his sword instead and made them both stop and start to cry. I decided to go to the temple across the street because no one ever went then and it was nice and quiet. When I walked in, I saw that a secret room was open. There is where I saw the purple sword from my dream. (Not the last one with the blue and purple lady. It was the one with the evil pig.) It was shiny and stuck inside an altar, so I pulled it out. Then I passed out again, but not because I was sleepy but because the sword started to talk to me. It looked like the blue and purple girl again, and she was saying "Master, wake up. You have to go protect the princess as is your duty." I immediately woke up and it was dark outside. I went back to the palace to clock out of my shift at work, carrying the purple sword with me. It was really long, but it luckily still fit the sheath for my normal sword. I would have gone straight home, but instead I left the town and called for Epona. The horse came to me immediately and we went to Kakariko because that was where the princess went because that was where we heard the Triforce was because her dad wanted to stop the world from exploding.
Epona stopped halfway there because there was a strange tall man in the road. He wasn't from town because I'd never seen him before. He was very strange and very tall.
"So I've finally found you," he was saying with a little evil smirk chuckle. "I've been searching far and wide for the reincarnation of the goddess, and what do you know? She walks right into me." I had no idea what he was talking about, and I drew my new sword, ready to fight him. "Come now, don't do that. Just come with me and together we can unseal my master and let him rule over Hyrule again." He started talking as he stared up at the stars. "Come now, I know it's been quite some since we last met, your grace, but I'm sure you still remember me. It is Ghirahim, the demon lord." He snapped his fingers and appeared behind me, scaring Epona away. He was very tall, even taller than Maku or Globby. "Come now. Don't try to play coy. I can sense your Triforce, so I know you're the goddess, or the princess as you likely are now. You probably thought yourself clever by dressing up like that silly boy I fought, but I know it's you." I turned around to hack my sword at him, and he stopped my blade with his hand, not even getting a scratch. His eyes grew wide when he saw it. "But…that sword. It can't be. The only one who can use that sword is that boy, the goddess' chosen hero. But you're a girl!" I hit him with the sword over and over again until he ran away. Ghirahim suddenly smirked and shook his head. "I see now. You just disguised yourself as a girl to throw me off. But the sword tells me who you are. You're lucky I don't kill you right now, but I don't feel like it. Instead I'm going to go look for the real reincarnation of the goddess. Maybe later I will fight you. I never did get to make your own screams deafen you." He snapped his fingers as he did his smirking chuckle again and vanished. I looked around for Epona, but she had disappeared, too, so I got out my ocarina and played the song that made her come back to me no matter how far she had gone away and continued to ride to Kakariko to find the princess.
Epona trotlloped into the town at a recklessly slow pace, running over a strange old lady in the process. She wasn't the princess, so I wanted to just keep going, but I knew it was a good idea to help people, especially old ladies and people your horse trotlloped over. So I got off Epona and did a dramatic roll toward the old lady. I think she was impressed because she backed away with enormous old lady eyes. "It's okay," the old lady said, gazing at me. Now that I looked at her, she looked weirdly like an old lady version of the strange tall man from the night before. She was much shorter, but her face was almost as skinny and she wore a clothes with a weird eye painted on it. I remembered what my dad always told me: eyes are made for arrows. But then he died, so I never did get to figure out what he meant by that, so I would have shot everything with eyes if I had a bow, but I didn't. "What is a pretty knight like yourself doing in Kakariko." I stared at her for a couple of minutes before shrugging. "Oh, you're looking for the princess." The old lady said. She got up and found her cane than had been knocked away. She picked up her cane that had fallen out of her hand and started to walk into town. I decided to follow her because maybe she knew where I could find the princess. But she walked so slow that I went into town ahead of her. I decided while I was waiting for her that I would chase around some chickens and I grabbed one and took it to a roof. When I jumped off the roof, it flew for a while, which made me giggle a bunch. By then the old lady was at a house that she opened and I followed her inside.
"To find the princess, you need to prove that you're worthy of finding her. I need you to go get some flowers from the volcano." She pointed out a window where I could see the spewing lava. It didn't look that dangerous, so I decided to go ahead and do it. I left the house and played with the chickens some more until night time. When it was night time I ran up the mountain with a chicken, in case I got hungry later or wanted to fly around. I thought I saw some Gorons on the way, but I couldn't be sure since Gorons are scared of chickens. I hiked up the volcano for days and days, but the top just wouldn't get any closer. The chicken flew away when I tried to eat it, but I just drank my potion instead. The bottle that the potion came in was from my best friend Hilda but the potion was just something that I bought at the store. The potion made me feel better and I was happy to have Hilda's bottle with me so I decided to sleep. The next morning a bunch of Gorons surrounded me and tied me up. I tried to fight them back, but they tied me up and I couldn't struggle. They talked about needing to sacrifice someone to Din and decided I was perfect for it since I was just a human so they threw me into the volcano. It was very hot in there and the ropes burned off. I landed on a weird rock and started walking around randomly until I found a treasure chest. The chest was really hot, though, so I didn't want to touch it, but I had a feeling it had a key to that locked door I saw earlier while exploring, because everybody I know puts their door keys in great big chests. I decided to kick the chest and see what happened and it somehow opened!!!!!!!!!!!!! I grabbed the key out of the chest and continued walking around. I found the locked door and went through and suddenly I was attacked by a bunch of keese. They weren't normal ordinary unremarkable keese either, but rather they were on fire and looked evil. I killed them with my purple sword and continued through the volcano. There was some lava around that looked really hot, so I made sure I jumped over it when I needed to. I looked into a little cave and saw some faeriz flying around, so I caught one in my friend's bottle and took it with me while I explored the place. I found more locked doors and more keys in chests and also found a slingshot in a different chest that I used to shoot more keese and slugs. Eventually I found a really big fancy ornamental shelf door that looked like it needed a super special key, so I decided to look around some more. Eventually I saw this really big fancy ornamental shelf chest with a really big gemstone on it. When I opened it, it was a super fancy special key. I decided I wanted to take a nap, so I got inside the chest and closed the lid because no one would ever find me there. While I was sleeping, I dreamed about cheese triangles flying in the sky that made me really hungry but since there were no crackers, I didn't want to eat them. Instead I saw that strange tall man from before turn into a sword and stab the cheese before turning back into a man. He saw the princess and called out, but then the old lady came along. "Impa, it's been a long time," Ghirahim said. "You got old." "Not really" the old lady said and suddenly she looked younger, though she was still older than I was. She was taller, too, almost as tall as Ghirahim. He giggled and took her hand and she giggled too. "I missed you Impa" Ghirahim said as they skipped off together into the medow and chased after butterflies. They looked so happy and I couldn't help but smile but then I woke up and hopped out of the super fancy chest. It was getting kind stuffy in there and I walked back to the ornamental shelf door that needed the key and unlocked it. Inside was a big slimy snake with legs that had poison teeth and toes. I had to avoid the toes, but by shooting the teeth with my slingshot they fell out and I could get into its mouth and hit it with the purple sword before the teeth grew back. I did this a few times and then the snake died but left its poison toes behind. I saw a fancy heart container that made me feel better because I was very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very tired after that fight. Then I saw the flowers that the old lady wanted me to find so I picked them and walked back through the volcano. At the front door all the Gorons from before showed up and they all looked amazed. "You survived the volcano sacrifice. Will you be our new leader?" I didn't say anything because I don't talk very much and they carried me on their shoulders back to their village and put me on a throne and said they would do whatever I said, so I told them to stop throwing people into the volcano. They gave me a Goron baby to hold which was really heavy but so cute in an ugly sort of way that I didn't mind and I played with it until I asked the Gorons to take me back to Kakariko. They took me back to Kakariko and I found the old lady and gave her the flowers. The old lady smirked at me and smiled before patting me on the head. "Good job. Maybe if you keep this up I'll let you see the princess but first you have to go to the forest and get some water for me. It's very special water because it comes from the forest and it's magic so bring it back to me and maybe some day you'll get to meet the princess."
I frowned when the old lady told me about the forest. Why did I need to find some super-special magic water, anyway? And then I hit me in the head: the magic water will keep the magic volcano flower alive!!!!!!!! And obviously the magic volcano flower was something that the princess needed, so I decided to do what the old lady told me to do. I went outside. "Link!" the old lady called, so I went back inside. "Take this and put the water in it." She gave me a shiny new bottle. It was so much shinier and prettier than the one Hilda gave me, I knew it had to be brand new. I took it with solemn giddiness and ran back out the door. Then I heard something coming from my pocket when I went to look for Epona. I pulled out my bottle, not the one the old lady just gave me, but the other one with the farry. The noise it was making was loud and annoying, so I opened the bottle. "Do you know how long I was shouting at you? Why would you shove me into that tiny bottle? Do you know what I—Watch out!" I turned around and saw a deku babba lunching at me, so I rolled out of the way, pulling out my big purple sword. "Listen!" the fari said, and I turned to look at it when the mean plant lunched at me again and tried to bite me. I swung my sword at it, but it dodged. "Hey!" I ignored the ferie and kept trying to kill the deku babba. "Hey! Hey! Listen! Hey! Watch out!" And then the deku babba was dead. I stared glariciously at the fiarry. "Don't you know I'm supposed to guide you? You'll never make it through the forest without me!" I shook my head and got on Epona, riding toward the forest with the firy chasing after me.
The forest was really big and dark. I had no idea where the magic water was supposed to be, so I just picked a direction and started walking. While I walked, the feary was talking const—uncontr—it wouldn't shut up. "My name's Navi! I'm so glad to Watch out! So glad to meet you Link. Listen! I know these woods better than anyone, and Hey! Hey! Since these are the Lost Woods, it's a good thing to Hey! Listen! To have a guide who know where we're going. Watch out! Where are you goin?" I found a door made out of trees. It looked really out of place in the rest of the forest made of regular trees, so maybe the magic water was in there. I went through the tree door and found myself in a place full of water! But the water was just ordinary water and not magic water but I needed magic water instead of ordinary water because that's what the old lady told me. I was scared of water becuse I never knew how to swim more than sideways doggie paddle, so I didn't know what to do. I stared at the watery place until I heard Navi yelling at me.
"HeyHeyHeyHeyHeyHey!" I looked over at her glarically until I saw a platform floating along the water. I ran up to do and jumped on it and landed on it and it floated around the room in a circle. There was a locked door on the other side of the room, so I looked around for a chest that someone might have kept the key in. I finally saw a big one on a cliff that had vines growing on it, which was lucky for me because I love climbing on vines. So I jumped off the platform and landed on the ground beside the vines just as Navi flew up to the chest at the top of the vines and shouted "Hey!" again. I climbed the vines without any sort of work and kicked at the chest. What do you know? It opened!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Inside it wasn't a key. It was a pair of flippers. I was really scared to put them on, because I didn't know how to swim, but Navi yelled at me, "Listen! These are super magic awesome flippers! When you put them on, you'll know how to swim!" So I put them on and fell into the water. I kicked around and yelled for a long time before I realized that there wasn't anything to be scared of. Then I swam around for a while, whizzing around happily. I think I was a bird. A birdfish. And then I saw the chest. Birdfish are really cool. They're like colorful penguins, but much more cheerful. I opened up the chest to find the key I was looking for and went to open the door. So I went around, looking for keys in chests so I could get into the room with the magic water. Then I come along a really big wood door that looked really too fancy to be seen in the forest. It was a lot like the ornamental shelf door that was in the volcano. I had to go find a big fancy key, which was in a big fancy chest in a room I had been to before but I couldn't get to before because the rope was all knotted up. So I untangled the knot and climbed up to the super ultra fancy chest that had the awesome amazing shiny key in it. I fell off the ledge into the water and made my way back to the ornamental wood shelf door and opened it. Inside was a huuuuuuuuuge jellyfish with more tentacles than you could ever image that tried to eat me as soon as it saw me. Navi was no help because all she yelled was "Watch Out" every couple of seconds after I came in the room. It took me a few minutes to realize that the jellyfish had eyeballs. I took out my slingshot and wished I had a bow as I shot the eyes one at a time until it couldn't see anymore, and then I slashed off its tentacles. When the jellyfish wasn't moving anymore, I saw the pretty ornamental heart container floating down to me and I took it and felt better because I was extremely super very tired. Then I took the old lady's bottle and filled it up with the magical jellyfish water, sure that this was what she wanted.
After I picked up the magical jellyfish water, I heard Navi yelling at me again, "HEY!" I looked at her and saw a shiny teleporter thing. "This will teleport you back to the beginning, Link!" I stepped inside the teleporter and went out the front door of the water-tree-jellyfish place and realized that I was already super tired again. I heard Navi yelling at me while I found a big mushroom to curl up under and take a nap.
There were lollypops. I usually like it when I dream about candy, but these lollypops looked sad. There were even gooey, sugary tears rolling down their little tasty faces. "What's wrong, lollypops?" I asked, picking one up and licking it. "Ganon ate our baby brother," they told me. "We miss him so much, but he said if we didn't tell him where to find the cheese triangles, he would keep eating us until we did. But we don't know where they are, so we lied to him, and then he ate our baby brother and ran away." I frowned, because I was sad, because the lollypops were sad, because Gananan ate their little brother. I stared at the horizon that was full of mollasase and chocolate syrup and I kept licking the lollypop, and every time I licked it, it would yell, "Hey!' at me until I woke up. And then I woke up and it was Navi yelling at me, and I had ferry dust all in my mouth because I was licking Navi because I thought she was the lollypop, which is why she was mad at me. But she tasted like a strawberry poptart, so everything was okay.
"Hey! Hey! Listen!"
"Maaaaastaaa Link, you should not be sleeping. The world is about to end." I looked up and Fi was here, too. They both were yelling at me and annoying me, so I sat up and frowned at them. "You need to get that magical water back to Impa so she'll tell you where to find Zelda."
"Hey! Because if you don't the world is going to explode, just like the king is afraid of because Ganon is going to make it explode with the cheese triangles!" They both annoyed me enough by now that I decided to get up. I called Epona and we rode back to Kakariko, but on the way I saw two people that made me even more annoyed than Fi and Navi.
"Looky who we found!" Globby the goron said, grabbing me right off of Epona's saddle.
"She slacks off all day at work and then runs away with the special temple sword. I think we need to teach him a lesson," Maku agreed.
"We're taking you back to the castle and throwing you in the dungeon! Because it's a crime to slack off at work and then run away."
"Don't think we're gonna go easy on you just because you're a girl."
"Or because you're the hero's great-great-great granddaughter neither."
I tried to fight against them and get my sword, but Globby grabbed both my arms and my legs and made me very uncomfortable. Navi was freaking out, flying everywhere and yelling "Watch out! Watch out! Hey! Watch out! Hey! Hey! Hey!" Maku noticed my purple sword.
"That's an awfully nice sword there. Maybe I'm gonna keep it. I'll just tell the king you broke it. Ha! He'll never let you out of the dungeon then!" He tried to grab the sword, but it fell out of his hand imme—insta—he dropped it right away. He was yelling too, like it hurt him or something.
"Leave it," Globby said, carrying me away. "It's supposed to be special anyway, so not just anybody can use it. If we get back to the castle without it, we can still say she broke and she'll never get to leave the dungeon. Come on." Maku followed Globby, leaving my purple sword with Fi inside it laying in the grass while Navi flew frenziedly after us, yelling the whole time. I struffled and fought and tried to get away, but Globby was holding on to me so tight I couldn't move. Navi wasn't helping either, just yelling and flying around until Maku slapped her out of the air, making her stop flying, making her crash to the ground making her get left behind. So now I had no furry, to sword, to magicl swrod person, and no old lady. All I had was a bottle of slimy jellyfish water and a floppy hat.
After many long hours of trying to struggle against my captors, I eventually became very sleepy. I didn't really want to sleep, since I was being uncomfortably crushed against Globby's chest, but I became so sleepy that I couldn't stop myself from sleeping. When I fell asleep, I dreamed about a really big field. It looked a lot like Hyruzle field except that it was all dark and cloudy and full of moblins and gorias. They were big and scary. But they weren't nearly as scary as Ghirahim, who was standing in the middle of the field surrounded by lots of lightning bolts and fireballs. He was saying something I oculdn't hear, so I decided to get closer and see what he was doing. He was dancing around in a circle, hopping on one foot and twirling while singing some sort of weird song. He looked very scary, and I reached for my sword, but my sword wasn't there. Then I started to get really scared. How could I stop what Ghirahim was doing if I didn't have my sword? Suddenly, he started laughing very loudly, and I noticed that there was a person lying on the middle of the circle that he had been dancing.
It was a girl.
It was a young girl.
It was a young girl with golden hair.
It was a young girl with golden hair and blue eyes.
At first I thought it was the princess. He had been looking for her after all. But as I continued to look, I saw that she was wearing the same green tunic that I always wore. The hero's tunic. My grandfather's great-grandfather's tunic. And then I realized.
The girl was me.
"It is done!" Ghirahim was saying. "Now with the power of the spirits of both the goddess and her hero, my Master can finally return with his full power! Wait for me, Impa! Once my master returns, he will make you young and beautiful again, and we can be together for all eternity!!!!"
When I woke up, I found myself in a cell. I was in a dungeon. Except that itw asn't the dungeons of Hyruzle castle. I had been all over in them long enough to know everything about them, and this place did not even smell like them. I was wondering where Globby and Maku had brought me. I felt around the bars and the walls, looking for a way out. Unfortu—howev—but there wasn't a key or anything lying around or anything. So I couldn't leave. I sat there wondering what I should do. Luckily I still had my bottle of magic jellyfish water, because I didn't never ever want to go back to the forest where I got it and I knew for sure that the old lady would send me back if I tried to come back to Kakariko without it. I was about to give up looking for a way out when I heard a giggle on the other side.
"My my, look what a pickle you got yourself into." A little girl stepped out of the shadows and grinned at me. Well, I don't think she was actually a little girl. She looked more like a shadow herself, with a lite blue-green body and bright orange eyes. She was flying in the air so that she could look into my eyes. "You really do like to get yourself locked up, don't you?" I stared at her, still trying to figure out what she was. She most defiantly wasn't human. And what did she mean about me getting locked up?
"Just as talkative as ever, I see. Well then let me make you a deal. I get you out of here, and you help me get home. How about it?" I really didn't know how she could help me get out, but then I didn't know how I would help her get home either, so I decided to agree and nodded. "That's a good boy," she said patting me on the head, then smiled evilly. "Or good girl, I guess. Geez, you're always full of surprises, Link." I had no idea how she knew my name when she slipped a key through the bars into my hand. I used it on the cell door and it opened. I glanced at the little girl, but now she had actually become a shadow and was hiding inside mine. "Oh, I guess I should introduce myself since you don't know who I am my name's Midna."
I left the cell in the dungeon and wandered around the dark, damp, dusty hallways to try to find the way out. Every couple of minutes, Midna would make some kind of yawn or bored sound like she was bored or something. Other than that it was so quiet I felt sad. Sometimes Fi would talk to me and Navi's constant chatter had been ringing in my ears but now I was all alone without them or Epona. I hoped that they were still where I left them because even though Navi was annoying and they both liked to wake me up when I was sleeping they were still my friends and I missed them a bunch.
"Are you going to wander around moping all day, or are you going to get out of here?" Midna got out of my shadow and told me to follow her, so she helped me find my way out. Luckily the exit wasn't locked. When I got out, I saw that the sky was a weird brownish color, not blue like normal. I wondered if I was in the desert or if the sun was setting or something. It turns out that the sun was setting over the desert, and a giant sandstorm was coming straight at me. The wind blew me flat on my face. I had no idea where I was. I felt around in my pocket, but my ocarina was gone so I couldn't call Epona. I crawled in the sand until I found a wall and curled up against it. I quickly became bored but because of all the wind and sand, I couldn't fall asleep, so I just sat there staring at the horizon while the sun went down. I wondered where my ocarina was and after the wind stopped blowing sand in my face I got up to look for it. I thought maybe I'd lost it in the dungeon, or maybe Maku had took it. But Maku was nowhere to be found and sand now covered the way into the dungeon. So I started walking in a random direction.
"Walking in a random direction in the desert is a sure way to get yourself killed," Midna said from my shadow. I ignored her and kept walking. What else was there to do? I had no idea what the quickest way out of here was. But I couldn't stay here either. I didn't have anything to eat or drink and I sure didn't want to sleep out here. The old lady was probably wondering where I was, and I didn't have a sword or my ocarina. I still had my slingshot, but almost all of my deku seeds were gone. As I kept walking, I thought I heard someone laughing, just over the next sand dune. But when I went over it, I saw nobody. Maybe I was hallu…seeing a mira…hearing things. I don't know. The sun started to go down, and I wasn't any closer to the end of the desert than when I started.
"Well, you're determined. I'll give you that," Midna said. As the sun was going down, she left my shadow and started to float beside me, watching me carefully "But you're not as bright as you were before. You were way smarter then." I still had no idea what she was talking about. I'd never seen her before. I just kept going, ignoring her and the laughter. When I climbed over the next pile of sand, I was surprised to see someone there. Or something. It took me a couple of minutes to recognize it as a skull kid. In the darkness, I could only make out his straw hat and beady eyes. He made rattling noises as he moved.
Skull kids didn't come by Castle Town very often. They never ever visited the castle, either. The few times I had seen them, something about them had scared me, although I didn't think there was anything about them to really be scared of. I knew they liked music, and some of them liked to get into trouble. But I thought they lived in the forest. So what was one doing way out here in the desert.
As soon as he noticed me, the skull kid jumped up and started running away, shambling across the sand as fast as he could. "Hey!" Midna said, and for a second I thought Navi was back, which both relieved and terrified me, "He might know the way out of the desert. You should follow him." I walked after the skull kid for a long time. The moon was high in the sky when finally the sand came to an end. The grass quickly replaced it, and it felt wonderful under my feet. I was so happy to be out of the desert and so tired from my all day walk that I immediately collapsed on the ground. Above me, Midna shook her head. "How did you ever become such a lazy bum?" she asked as I fell asleep.
"Link!" "Hey!" "Master," "Listen!" "Link, where are you?" "Master, you have to return!" "Ganon is returning." "What makes you so special?" "Being the hero's line doesn't mean anything." All the voices spun around in my head, all familiar. Midna, Navi, Fi, even Maku and Globby.
"They're right, y'know." A voice that seemed like Ghirahim, but at the same time was definitely not him, seemed to whisper in my ear. "You ain't nothing special. You may wear your ancestor's clothes, but you can't never measure up to him." I reached for my sword, which was missing, and turned to face the voice. I saw nothing but darkness.
"Holding the Master Sword don't mean nothing." The whisper was in my other ear this time. I turned slowly, but still the inky blackness was all that greeted me.
"You ain't no hero. The princess is gone forever. You can't do nothing to stop the destruction that's approaching." I stood still while the voice seemed to slide into my ears and coil around my mind like a snake. But it sounded all too familiar to me. For the first time in a long while, I found myself wanting to speak. I wanted to ask this shadow a question.
"Ya wanna know who I am," the voice said, and the same laughter I had been hearing across the desert echoed painfully in my mind. At last, the darkness in front of me took on a shape. It was like looking into a lacquered reflection. It was me, except that it was black and muted gray. Crazy red eyes glared through at me, though a smile was turned on its face. "Ya wanna ask a question to which I am sure ya already know the answer. I'm you!!!!!!! Or rather, I'm yer doubts, yer fears, yer hatred and anger made manifest inside yer mind. I am a tool created by Ganon generations ago. I'm all the darkness within you. And until you can defeat me, you can't never succeed in this pathetic quest of yers. You will never find the princess so long as I linger here. You'll never save Hyruzle. You cannot grant Fi her peace, or allow Navi to restore life to the world. Midna will never be able to go home so long as I'm here to prevent it." Another laugh rippled through my mind, and I covered my head, trying to stop the ringing in my ears. "Ghirahim will destroy you, and Ganon will return. The world will fall into ruin, all because I exist in yer mind, keeping ya from finishing what needs to be done. So go on. Complete this little quest of yers for the old hag. I know you'll never be able to defeat me." Even as I found myself waking up again, still lying on the cool grass with Midna watching over me, that painful laughter continued to sting in my mind.
"As if I'd let someone like YOU get your hands on her!" Midna's voice was annoyed somewhere above me. I opened my eyes a little to see another figure standing by. It was about the same height she was, though since she was flying, she was taller than it was. I couldn't see much of its face except for its beady red eyes and what looked like a beak. It was wearing a big orange hat.
"I mean it!" it was saying, "Impa got worried, so she asked me to go find Link. I found Navi and the Master Sword. I can take you right to them."
"I don't trust any skull kids. You'd hurt and steal from people just because your bored." Midna stepped over me to keep the Skull Kid from getting any closer to me. I sat up and looked at the two of them. I was very confused. I didn't know who this Skull Kid was or why he might be looking for me. They both looked at me. The Skull Kid waved his arms, rattling.
"Your finally awake!" he said. "Navi is getting really worried about you! She would have come with me, but she didn't want to leave the sword alone. Come on." I stood up, and Midna sighed impatiently. This Skull Kid knew about Navi and my sword, so I decided to trust him. Besides, I had no idea how to get back to them on my own.
